By: Gary Conway
Advocate Editor
In junior high school, we had to write an essay entitled, “My Most Unforgettable Character.” I would tell you who I wrote about, but I can’t seem to remember. Having had 40 years to think about the subject, however, it’s time to give it another shot.
Shortly after I became Director of the 25th District CSU in 1999, I found myself in the modest Waynesboro office of P.O. Frank Dooms. As we sat talking about nothing in particular, a skinny, disheveled 40-ish looking woman came through the open office door like Cosmo Kramer. Frank slowly rose from behind his desk as the woman announced, “I know what’s wrong with Billy! I know what’s wrong with that boy!”
Frank gave me a quick glance and just the hint of a grin, then turned to the woman and asked calmly, “What is it? What’s wrong with Billy?” He called her by name. “I’ve been workin’ with that boy for six months and I can’t figure it out.” Frank gestured for the woman to take a seat. “What IS wrong with Billy?”
Billy’s mother collected her thoughts, took a deep breath, and looking Frank in the eye said, “He’s got the devil in him, Mr. Dooms. The boy’s got the devil in him.”
A long silence followed as the three of us alternately looked from one to the other waiting for someone, anyone, to say something. Finally Frank asked, “Do you think Billy needs an exorcist?” Frank looked straight at me. “Because we can get him an exorcist.”
For the next half hour, Frank counseled Billy’s mom on setting limits, being consistent, utilizing sanctions and incentives, accountability, nurturance, and all the other things that make a person a good parent. The subject of an exorcism never came up again. If it had, I learned later, Frank planned to introduce me as Father Conway, the Court Service Unit Exorcist. And he would have done it, too; because that’s the way Frank is.
For these past eight years, VJJA Member Franklin Herbert Dooms has continued to amuse and amaze me with his stories and his antics. A few years back, Mr. Dooms nearly severed his arm with a gasoline-powered log splitter while working a wood pile on his 75-acre farm. It was an injury that would have kept most people out of work for a month. The accident happened on a Saturday afternoon, and admittedly there was some beer-drinking involved. Frank was at work the following Monday, and by Friday he was convinced that his battered arm actually functioned more efficiently than his “good” one.
My favorite Frank stories involve his adventures during his 25 year Army career. The one I enjoy most is known as the “Never Give Hooch to a Monkey” story. This took place in Thailand during Frank’s last tour of duty in Southeast Asia (“I hated to see that war end,” says Frank, and I can never tell if he’s serious. “It was the best time I ever had.”) It seems that Frank and some of his comrades were drinking homemade liquor (“hooch”) with a pet monkey one evening. The next morning, the rabid monkey was found lying dead on the pool table, but not before the little simian had managed to bite Frank and several of his pals. The subsequent series of rabies shots was not pleasant. Lesson learned: “Never give hooch to a monkey.” I also love the one about Frank parachuting into Greece in the middle of the night and landing on the roof of an irate, shotgun-toting shepherd. It took Frank a while to explain that there was no plane crash nearby; and that he had intentionally jumped out of an airplane not meaning to disturb the shepherd’s slumber.
In December of 2001, Frank suggested that I check out The Learning Channel on December 20th at 9:00 p.m. When I tuned in, there was Frank, bigger than life, sharing tales of his Vietnam experiences in an interview for “Special Forces Operations during the Vietnam Conflict.” I realized then that Frank is like an expert on the topic. He has also been called upon to lecture at Fort Bragg to new Special Forces troops on the real world of U.S. Special Operations. In recent months, Frank has been extensively interviewed by the folks at Hoggard Films for a National Geographic special tentatively entitled, “Inside the Green Beret.” Unfortunately, the television air date is uncertain because the film crew later took casualties in Iraq.
In June of 2003, Frank and his wife, known only to his colleagues as “Mama Rabbit,” went to Las Vegas for a week. When he returned to work, I asked what he did in Vegas. “Mostly hung out drinking with Ross,” Frank responded.
“Ross who?” was my obvious question.
“Perot,” said Frank. “Ross Perot.”
“C’mon, Frank.” This was just too much. “It’s time for a reality check. You don’t know Ross Perot. What did you really do in Vegas?”
“Oh, yeah,” Frank came back. “I know Ross. We helped get some of his people out of Iran one time. He likes to show his appreciation about once a year. I’ll send you a picture.”
That’s Ross Perot in the middle. Frank is standing second from the left, suggesting to Mr. Perot that he “never give hooch to a monkey.”
Frank’s entire life has been remarkable. His mother died when he was nine, and his father left a year later. Frank’s sister married at 16, his brother went to live with grandparents, and Frank went into foster care. He graduated from high school on June 4, 1964, and was in the Army on June 5. He retired with the rank of Sargeant Major in December, 1989. Frank’s military record reveals that he has been all over the globe, with multiple duty assignments in Vietnam between 1967 and 1974. His decorations include: Legion of Merit; Bronze Star with Valor Device; Purple Heart (2nd Oak Leaf Cluster); Meritorious Service Medal; Army Commendation Medal (1st Oak Leaf Cluster); Army Achievement Medal; Joint Service Commendation Medal; Meritorious Unit Citation; Navy Unit Commendation; Navy Presidential Unit Citation; Army Presidential Unit Citation; Army Good Conduct Medal (7th Award); National Defense Service Medal; Vietnam Service Medal (1-4); Noncommissioned Officer Professional Development Ribbon (4); Army Service Ribbon; Overseas Service Ribbon (3); Overseas Service Bar; Vietnam Campaign Medal; Vietnam Cross of Gallantry with Palm (2nd Award); Vietnam Parachutist Badge; Greek Parachutist Badge; Thailand Parachutist Badge with Forragere; Combat Infantry Badge; Master Parachutist Badge; Ranger Tab; Special Forces Tab; and M-16 Rifle Expert Badge.
After returning to civilian life in 1989, Frank went back to school and earned his BA in Social Work from Mary Baldwin College. During that time, Frank did a nine-month internship in the Waynesboro Office of the 25th District CSU. After working briefly as an Enforcement Specialist with Child Support Enforcement, an Emergency Communication Officer, and a Children’s Supervisor at the Shenandoah Valley Juvenile Detention Center, settled in as a P.O. in the Waynesboro Office of the 25th District CSU on December 1, 1994.
Frank’s 12 and a half year stint as a P.O. in Waynesboro has been marked by a totally open door policy, a willingness to help anyone who needs it, and a no-nonsense approach to life. As recently as two weeks ago, Frank was continuing to say and do the things that make him a living legend. It seems that one of Frank’s sexually offending probationers was in Mr. Dooms’ office for a session with the treatment provider and the youth’s mother. As the session concluded and everyone rose to leave, Mr. Dooms told the young man, “Keep your pants up, boy. Keep your pants up.” That about covered it.
Frank Dooms will retire from his P.O. job effective July 1st. There will be no fanfare or even a party. Frank is adamant about that, and I never argue with a man whose resume boasts that he used to teach a course in “Quick Kill Techniques.” Frank and Mama Rabbit plan to ride off into the sunset (literally) and resettle in Texas. I wish them both well.
They truly don’t make them like Frank Dooms anymore, and that’s a shame. For without men and women like Frank, you would probably be reading this newsletter in Russian, Chinese, or Arabic. Or even more likely, you wouldn’t be reading it all. Thanks, Frank; for all you’ve done to protect our nation, and to help Virginia’s youth and families.
You can express your best wishes to Mr. Dooms on his retirement at Frank.Dooms@djj.virginia.gov.
(Gary Conway is the Director of the 25th District Court Service Unit with offices in Staunton, Waynesboro, Lexington, Covington and Botetourt.)
