Any book that includes the wisdom of Seinfeld might be interesting. So, while you await a copy of On Apology to arrive at your library, see episode #909 -the Apology. "As Jerry marvels at the frequent nudity of his girlfriend, Melissa, George hears that Jason is making amends as part of his Alcoholics Anonymous program. Recalling that Jason once insulted him, George is convinced that he's in line for an apology. However, while Jason takes the time to apologize to Jerry, he doesn't do anything similar for George. Meanwhile, as Elaine is insulted by a fellow employee's efforts not to be exposed to her germs, Jerry teaches Kramer how to save time in the shower." This is now ready for your viewing at www.sonypictures.com/tv/shows/seinfeld
Have you ever had a client –probationer write an apology letter that was just awful? Perhaps the offender, your client or ward, did not mean to re-victimize the victim in his or her effort to satisfy a court order (must apologize!) or probation officer – attorney instructions. This book will help you as you think about ‘the apology’ and help guide future clients in dealing with a small but vital piece of the restoration of the community and the needs of the individual offender.
This small book (dimension 5” x 7” ) fits in your pocket and is an interesting non-technical read. The author, a physician, former Harvard Medical School professor and now medical school dean is a storyteller in this book. He addresses ten or eleven themes (such as paradox of apology, acknowledging the offense, remorse-explanations and reparation, why people apologize, why people do not apologize, the timing of apologies, apology and forgiveness, etc) with great stories drawn from literature, history, his own life experiences and a decade of newspaper article reviews. The inclusion of the apology of Abe Lincoln at the end of the Civil War is just one example of a national apology. The relationships between the U.S. and China, Cuba and a number of other nations as well as POW and holocaust tales also shared in story telling fashion. Most of us will better relate to the individual story. For which of us has not been offended by another? Or, might we have actually be the offender or rude, insensitive or offensive one? How did we deal with the separation between us and a parent, college roommate or co-worker?
We all know a little about the themes covered in this book on some of the most profound interactions. The effective apology can heal humiliation and erase guilt. Lazare may help you to move an offender (are all clients offenders with a victim?) to a higher plain and to better serve a victim. Lazare, through his inquiry in his office or work setting, became known as a guy who knew something about the apology. Others were soon coming to him asking for tips or pointers. You could become that person where you work. You might even want to develop a one page ‘primer’ or work sheet to help clients as they struggle to honestly address their own responsibility as an offender toward their victim or victims. This book lead me to the ‘Cliff notes” approach to the same topic, Ken Blanchard’s 2003 The One Minute Apology, as well as to the works of Ken Sande. You might find The Peacemaker approach to apology also be worthy of at least a glance.
Blanchard, most famous for the over two decade old One Minute Manager, offers a less interesting, less thoughtful, ‘how to’ book that may be a fair source book for teenage clients or even for staff training or staff development. There is not yet a “dummies guide’ to the apology. But, you could take a look at these noted books as well as search engine ‘finds’ in order to offer adaptable tools for your Restorative Justice, Victim Awareness, Intake or even institutional setting in 2009-2010.
Eric Assur is employed by the 17th Court Service Unit in Arlington, Virginia.
